Sunday, August 11, 2013
Four Years Later - A Letter to Randy
August 11, 2013
I cannot believe it’s been four years today since you left this earth. I still think about you every day. I miss your crazy sense of humor and your generosity and your smile, even in the midst of cancer. I miss telling you about my day and I definitely miss the things you did that I can’t or don’t want to do – from dealing with electronics to paying bills to yard work. And I could go on and on (and often do J)
It’s hard to ask others to help with the things I can’t do, so generally, I try to hire people to do things around the house. Sometimes, I ask friends or neighbors for help and they are almost always more than willing to help and are very kind about it. But everyone is busy with their own lives and not necessarily tuned into my needs – imagine that? And when I feel like I’m intruding into their lives, I miss talking to you about that L. You were such a good listener – you should have been the chaplain!
My life is much the same as when you were here, but different in a few ways. Since our sweet Sophie is in heaven with you, I have a new puppy - Ellie Rose – rescued at a little over two weeks old. She is five months old now and the light of my life, along with Lucy. Usually there are a few foster dogs here as well. You and I never thought about fostering or I think we would have done it, especially when you were healthy. Without you, having a few extra dogs definitely seems to be right for me. I’m pretty sure you would approve (well, except for the bed sharing!).
I focus a little more on my health, for several reasons. I tell people that you often said, “Drugs should be for recreation,” so I worked to get off of prescription drugs. I try to eat healthy and exercise and avoid chemicals whenever possible. Some people may think I’m a little crazy, but thankfully, it works for me!
I’m volunteering as a chaplain at the Cancer Institute at UAMS, because it holds a special place in my heart. They may not have saved your life, but they were part of giving you a little more quality and quantity, as was MD Anderson. I will always be grateful to Dr. Colman and to Dr. Hutchins and their teams for what they did for us.
I’ve traveled some, but it's just not as much fun without you. You were such a good travel agent and companion. I hope to go to Rome next year while Amanda and family are there. You probably know I am Nick’s godmother, which has given me so much joy. I love staying connected to Amanda and the rest of the Wilcox family, especially because of your love for them and vice versa. It is really important to me to stay close to the people who knew you and loved you. I don’t see all of them as often as I’d like (even the local folks), but I appreciate them more than they will ever know.
I am thankful to God for the 25 years we had together and for the very positive impact you had on my life. I will always miss you…. I will always love you.