Remembering Sophie

Well, as most of you know by now, I lost my dear sweet Sophie on Thursday night. I knew, since she was a "big dog," that she wouldn't live much past 13; however, I did not expect to lose her before she turned 11 (in August). I have tried so hard to feed her well (organic dog food, organic or grass-fed human treats, etc.) and take good care of her, hoping I could get her to 14. But wouldn't you know it? That nasty cancer that took Randy from me early also took my precious baby girl way too early. Or, that's what they supposed at the ER vet - it appeared she suddenly had a mass in her chest that was causing her breathing to be very labored and affecting her circulation (pale gums, cold paws). We talked briefly about surgery to see if it might be on the spleen, but I feared she was already too weak, and the sweet Tech told me he felt the same. So, I decided to let her go. She'd been in the back having x-rays and on oxygen, so they brought her back to me and it wasn't five minutes before she stopped breathing in my arms.  They administered "the shot" just to make sure she didn't struggle, as she had gasped for air a couple of times. And with that, her short, but exuberant life was over.

My heart is broken. I loved Sophie like a child (now I don't have children, so I don't really know, but I can't imagine loving anything more. Please bear with me if you have children and know this is not true). At least, she was my child. And, as I've warned my friends ever since Randy left this earth, she was also my connection to Randy, as they adored each other.

Now it's just Lucy and me and we're trying to figure it out. I cry and Lucy licks me and we both just sit around looking at the house and wondering when Sophie is going to come into the room. Every time I go in the kitchen, I realize she's gone, as otherwise she would be right there with me, hoping some nibble of food would find its way to her mouth or the floor! Life is pretty sad right now. I know it will get better, but I'm trying not to rush it.  I know I have to grieve for this girl and for her link to Randy. I'm thankful for Lucy and for my friends who are crying with me and giving me time and space to deal with this.

The good news is that she had an incredibly good life. I've been going through pictures and posted an album on Facebook. She did a lot of traveling in her short life, including the farm in Weiner, all over Arkansas (state parks, etc.), around Oklahoma (state parks), to Houston several times (when we were going to MD Anderson), to the Outer Banks in May 2005 (her first beach trip), to cabins on Missouri lakes and to Fort Morgan Beach in Alabama for the last three Aprils. She loved to go, she loved to eat, she loved to be loved. She was always excited about living her life. She was also very attuned to my moods. If I were angry (and possibly saying a bad word about something), she would come over and force herself on me, like "now mom, you don't need to be upset." Of course she would also do that when it was even close to time for dinner!

She loved people, even when they didn't love her. She was friendly with other dogs and when they weren't, she ignored them. She loved going to the vet more than any dog I've ever known (something to do with the treats, possibly?)! She welcomed Lucy into the household, although I know Sophie always knew she was the first place dog in our home and in our hearts. She was just one of those once-in-a-lifetime dogs that I was blessed to have.

Rest in peace, my sweet girl. I know you will enjoy being with Randy again. Don't ever forget how much you were loved on this earth.

Sophie

The Best Dog Ever

8/18/2001 to 5/17/2012

(5/22/12:  I went to my vet today. They had reviewed the report from the ER vet and felt like it was a mass that bled out, which is why it happened so quickly, without any warning.  I hope and pray that she wasn't suffering long before I got home.  I feel pretty guilty about being out having fun when she was home sick.  I know it's not rational, but it's just reality.)