Saturday, February 13, 2010

Don't Worry About a Thing

This week was the six-month anniversary of Randy’s death which has me thinking about the last few years overall. The title today is in tribute to one of my favorite songs that Randy introduced to me – “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley.

For months, if not years, I wondered, if not worried about how I would deal with the end of Randy’s life and his death, since we knew the cancer would probably take him too early. My friend Suzanne can attest to the many days I walked into her office and shut the door and asked, “How will I know when I should quit work?” I didn’t want to quit too soon and make him feel like I was hovering (plus the more money I could make and the longer I could keep insurance were certainly considerations) and I didn’t want to wait too long and regret lost time together. My wise friend always told me that “God would let me know.” And He did – for which I will be eternally grateful.

The really weird thing during all of this time was that I would either feel like we would have forever together or I felt that a cloud over my head would burst suddenly and leave me groping. In truth, neither one happened.

We actually got pretty good at living one day at a time. I suppose that’s one advantage of either having or loving someone with a terminal illness (there aren’t a lot of these as you might suspect, but there are some!). I’m still seeking that same mentality - to make each day something I feel good about when I lay my head on the pillow at night and not to worry about the upcoming days at the same time.

One thing that came to mind again this week was something from last winter and the Beth Moore study “A -Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place.” This helped Randy and me and at least one other good friend who lost her husband after a sudden heart attack and six weeks of ICU. We studied about the Israelites receiving daily manna from heaven while in the wilderness, which was very familiar. What was new to me was comparing this to our need for daily grace and mercy. If we but ask, we get what we need for each day – no more, no less. Some days we obviously need more help just to get through the day. This was a revelation to me and my obsessive need to worry over the future. (see paragraph 1) and usually reminded me to just ask God for help to get through “that” day. Most days I still remember this and ask for what I need for the day, but, in all honesty, I haven’t conquered the worrying completely yet!

And who knew God and Bob Marley were in total agreement on living each day without worry? Actually they are probably more in tune than I can imagine. In case you’re not familiar with this song (or you are like me and always need to hear it), here’s the link to listen:

I'll close by thinking one day ahead. Happy Valentines' Day to you and all those you love!

1 comment:

  1. Karen: This is so are such a terrific writer. Beautiful, so beautiful...