November 6 - A Memorable Day

I don’t post on this blog much anymore, but today’s story is too long for a social media post, so here we are!

November 6 is a memorable day in my life - not because of any big event or celebration which we normally remember. I have those on other days and am thankful for them. But on November 6, 1970, when I was 14 years old and in the 8th grade, I began wearing a Milwaukee Brace. I had been diagnosed with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) a few years before, thanks to my attentive mama who noticed my right shoulder blade stuck out further than the left. We lived in northeast Arkansas but went to Memphis for care. Dr. Stratton was my orthopedic doctor there and when I finally grew an inch or so over a three-month period, he said it was time to go into the brace which would prevent the spinal curve from growing any worse as I grew. Funny part is I never grew anymore. I had reached my maximum height of 5' 1-3/4"! A crystal ball would have been helpful.

It was not a pleasant day. The weather was dreary as were all our moods (my parents and me) as we drove to Memphis to Snell Limb & Brace to have the brace final fitting and bring it home. Being a teenager, I felt my life was over as I would be ensconced in a leather girdle with front and back bars to the neck, holding leather pads in place there. But somehow, I survived, primarily to the creativity of my parents. When the leather girdle rubbed my skin raw, they covered the insides with moleskin. This was way before the Internet, so not sure how they figured that out - I think their pain in watching me suffer made them more clever than usual. My mom made me clothes that covered much of the brace, except for the bars which extended to my neck, plus a circle pad around my arm and a pad on my back. After a few years as I was growing a bit (out but not up), my clever father took that sucker to the shop and cut the leather over the hips out. The "brace place" as we called it had OK'ed that and maybe made some further modifications after he did that. 

For almost three years I wore the brace night and day, except for shower/bath time. It did not ruin my life but did possibly send me in different directions than some of my friends. I could not try out for cheerleading (although I was never very athletic so probably wouldn't have made it anyway!). I thought no boy would ever look at me again, but eventually the brace came off, and some did! It was hot in the summer, which thankfully I don't remember being as hot as they are now. Sleeping was difficult, at least for a while, but I adapted. And other than occasional stares from srangers, I truly don't remember much ugliness. My friends were kind - probably more curious than anything. I should have worn a leotard under it and been a Show and Tell. I had the body for it then - HA!

I don't think my father was too upset the brace during those formative years - it pretty much substituted for a chastity belt. When you are named Karen (purity) Virginia (virginal), you suspect what your parents were thinking! Although that's not entirely fair, as my mom's name was Katharine Virginia and Karen is a shortened version of Katharine in some languages, so I don't think they intended for me to be the Protestant version of a nun!

One way we all survived was to look at the light side. We laughed about the "brace place." The people kind of moved slowly so we joked to ourselves that they were zombie-like. And the receptionist had a very nasal voice when she answered the phone, so we mimicked that (also among ourselves). They also call me Carolyn Huber a few times. The people there were competent and kind and I hope never knew that they provided an outlet for us to laugh, which was much needed!

If you Google "Milwaukee brace" the versions shown are not nearly as restrictive as the one I started out in, which isn't surprising. After 56 years we would certainly hope for improvement. It is rarely prescribed anymore per the Internet as there are smaller, more discreet and more comfortable braces (Boston Brace, Wilmington Brace, Rigo Cheneau Brace), which is wonderful for anyone who is diagnosed with scoliosis now. More extreme curvatures may require surgery and that has also improved dramatically.

I have very few pictures of myself during that time. Did I mention that late in 6th grade I also started wearing glasses and later in 8th grade got braces on my teeth? My dad would joke about the metal I carried with me and then of course there were the "Four Eyes" comments. Here are a couple of pix with friends - a birthday and before a Bobby Sherman concert in Memphis! You can barely see the brace, but you can see I was very upright (as opposed to uptight!).

Early in my junior year of high school, the experts decided I wouldn't grow anymore since I hadn't in the previous 2.8 years. That meant I no longer had to wear the brace all the time - only at night. The new-found freedom was glorious. I came out of that brace (which cinched at the waist) with a 21-inch waist and bigger hips (because everything got pushed down for so long). Don't ask me what happened to that tiny waist, but I still have the hips!

I'm not sure why I felt so strongly about writing about this small part of my life today as opposed to previous years when I would just think about it and go on. Maybe because we seem to be living in a time when so many of us believe something that happens will be the end of our life or of civilization. Rarely is that the case, although I am not discounting that many people can suffer under some life events. I not only managed to survive, but looking back can see some positive influence on my life from the entire "brace" experience. It's been helpful for me to remember that and be reminded that many more difficult and terrible things happen every day to others. I am grateful most people were supportive of me and showed kindness in interactions. Maybe this is the lesson I wanted to be reminded of and to share with anyone reading.... it’s always better to be kind, no matter the circumstance. You may leave a lasting impression on someone!

New Birth - in the Bird World!

For the last few years, birds have built a nest behind the outside shade on my deck on the wooden ledge. For more than a month, I can't raise or lower the shade without disturbing the nest and possibly having it fall. I thought I was outsmarting them this year as I raised the blinds up to where the ledge was exposed (toward the house), so they wouldn't build behind it. Well the joke was on me as a particularly brave mama robin built a nest on top of the shade, but still protected by the overhanging partial wall.

So once again, I can't move this shade! 

Mama Robin 1, Karen 0!

The nest has been there at least a month and Mama Robin has been sitting on it for about three weeks, best I can tell. She flies off whenever I open the back door to let the dogs/puppies in or out. When I'm on the deck, she sometimes gets impatient and flies up to sit on the deck railing. I imagine that she's saying "would you please go back in the house so I can go back to my babies?" So I try to minimize our time on my deck (yes, for a bird).

Then last Tuesday, with the help of a tall friend (Hasaan Rasheed), this is what we found in the nest - four eggs, which is a full clutch for a robin:

After googling, I learned robins lay one egg a day (no wonder, one egg is almost as big as she is!). I also learned they only have one ovary. I was concerned that it seemed to be taking a long time for the eggs to hatch (although I don't know when the eggs were laid - just about how long the nest has been there). But as another friend said, birds are resilient, like dogs, and have made it through much worse conditions in the past.

On Sunday, I found a piece of blue shell on the deck, so assumed babies had hatched. Today my tall friend was back and took another picture. We were both completely amazed - two Very New babies are here!

More googling - babies hatch a day at a time, in order of how they were laid. So these naked babies are a day or two old and two more should be here in the next few days. I'm dependent on my tall friend to get pictures, so hopefully he will come take an update picture in the next few days. Meanwhile, Mama Robin sits patiently keeping the eggs and her babies warm. 

Also, another robin (dad, I assume) flies around in the yard with her and will help feed the babies, as well as protect the nest. The only threats to that seem to be the dogs and me and, other than taking pictures, we can't get near it and won't!

 Here's an interesting site, if you're interested in a little more...

https://journeynorth.org/tm/robin/EggstraEggstra.html

Living out Love - Think about it!

It's been a hard week for many, personally and/or nationally, or both.  Covid continues to rage in Arkansas and across the nation.  Two friends of mine have been diagnosed this week and are so far, doing ok, thankfully.  Our country has reached 369,000 (+) deaths as of this writing.  I know some people doubt the reported numbers, as deaths from accidents or other disease may have been reported as Covid, because the person tested positive, but would have died regardless.  I can't rebut that, but even if 10% have been inaccurate, that's still more than 330K+ deaths in 10 months.  It's hard to argue that's not an out of control Pandemic.

Then, we had the events in Washington, DC on Wednesday, January 6 when some of the "protestors"  chose to storm into the Capitol and do damage to persons and property. So far, five people have died.  I assume most, if not all, of you reading this think the actions on Wednesday were unconscionable, especially the violence.  I'm not here to debate how or why it happened, but just laying a groundwork for the intention of this post.

I believe the only way through this time of trouble is to love our neighbors in word and deed, or at least to respect or tolerate them without judging because of their political or religious beliefs, color of their skin, their age, etc.  Each of us has our personal beliefs or situations and that doesn't make us right or wrong, in most cases.  I am a follower of Jesus, but not everyone is and I cannot force anyone into that relationship.  I know that people of other faiths (or even no faith) can also love and support each other. 

Because we need to consider how to love and live it out, here are some questions for you as we begin a new week:

• How have you loved someone this week in word and/or deed?  
• How has someone loved/encouraged you or how have you observed them loving on another?
• How do you plan to love/encourage someone else in word and/or deed in the upcoming weeks?

I hope thinking about these questions will remind us how to make our lives the best they can be, as individuals, members of groups and as citizens of our countries. If you're inspired to share your thoughts, feel free, as I always appreciate inspiration! Let's all work to be our best selves for the good of all!

 💙

Hard for me to believe it's been a year and a half since I wrote here.  Honestly I've been trying not to post my feelings or concerns in any social way even tho I can't understand how God-loving people can support the current political environment and the Trump rhetoric.....



So here it is, very well done - from a FB post by friend Beth Hillis McCandless - posted with her permission!




The political fear mongering. It has to stop. It is stoking fear and anger on the far-right. The far-left then reacts in kind, with its own fear and anger. Indeed, even the center is split by the hostility of late. And the cycle goes on. I wish for an environment of tolerance and empathy. Of kindness. Of civil discourse. I sure as hell long for leadership that has decency and empathy for humankind. 

This President’s words and actions, when strung together, do not promote empathy or unity or civility. He is not to blame for this shooting or the evil that has transpired. Indeed, I think the shooter even felt this president wasn’t evil enough. I am not attributing this shooting to the Presidents ideology (which is little more than narcissism). But he is not leading. He is void of the moral compass necessary to lead. He is void of the knowledge of human history. He is void of caring about anything beyond the dollar and his own self-aggrandizement.

But he is not solely responsible. The political leaders in Washington are collectively guilty of promoting the political divide based on personal interests. 

WE have to stand up. We the people, must teach the children we raise that this is not humane. If you want to cloak it in specific religious morals rather than a universal natural law, this climate is not Christian or Jewish or Muslim, Buddhist... We, as a country, must deal in compassion.

And we as voters, are responsible for electing good leaders. Leaders who have a moral compass. That rise above the temptation of corrupt lobbies. That stand up for human kind. That don’t focus solely on the accumulation of personal wealth. That can understand the importance of a healthy, happy community. That don’t deal in the language of fear, anger and hate. Enough.




So, enough.  Let's love our neighbor, not just with love and prayers, but with our actions and our VOTES!  God bless us everyone...

Helping People Die in Arkansas

I'm not an expert on the death penalty, but have learned a lot in the last few weeks, as I have researched and read.  I am definitely AGAINST the death penalty for multiple reasons, which I won't outline here.  I know the major pro-DP argument is closure for the victims' families.  But I have now heard victim's family members speak and write and say it has done/will do nothing for their loss to see another death (do two wrongs make a right?).  What they need is support at the time of their family member's death - counseling in particular and things Arkansas and most states do not provide. I have not lost a loved one (family or friend) to violent crime and I might feel differently if I had, but I would hope not.  I believe it is so easy to sit back and judge "the other" who is not like us.  Yet, we might not be like "us" if we didn't have loving families, good teachers, educational opportunities, good mental health, etc.  Please do not discount this - you and I are who and where we are primarily because of the families and communities we were born into and the love and support we have received all or most of our lives.

I feel so strongly about this- even more so today as I was holding babies in the NICU at Arkansas Children's Hospital, I thought about those precious little babies someday possibly being on Death Row.   Is it possible?  Yes.  Is it probable?  Who knows?  I don't know what their support networks (families, friends, teachers, etc.) will be, where they will land in the economic strata (homeless, hungry or privileged to never be either of these) or how their brains will function as adults.  But I know everyone on death row was once an innocent baby who may have had very little opportunity to be loved, educated, and supported in any way close to the way I was.

I know many of you and many who are Christian support the death penalty - I have seen "eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" quoted ad nauseam on social media in the past few weeks.  Well, if God is going to judge, that may be fine, but human juries and judges?  I don't think so.  Plus the Jesus I follow said this (and I even used the King James version - not my favorite, but some people might think other versions are not godly - nothing surprises me anymore):

Matthew 5:38-48  King James Version (KJV)
38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.....
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

I am nowhere close to perfect, but supporting the killing of people would not help that any.  I need all the help I can get to love my neighbor and my enemy.  Condoning the killing of people, even confessed criminals, does not help me with this.

I needed to write this tonight as Arkansas rushes to try and execute eight people in the next 10 days (two of which apparently have stays from the state supreme court).  As of this writing, the 8th circuit overturned the district federal court stay and our state is pushing like crazy to get this done.  One prisoner is reported to have had his last meal.  This rush is all supposedly due to a drug that is expiring at the end of the month.  A drug which we've had, but we also needed vecuronium bromide - another lethal injection drug. A medical supply company said it was misled by the state and that the drug was sold for medical purposes, not executions.  This smacks of unethical behavior by our attorney general and governor.  Not that I think the firing squad or public hanging options, which many Arkansans apparently support, are any better.

I am sad and disillusioned and not sure how I can make any difference.  I can go to rallies, write/call the governor and others, pray and write this blog.  But nothing may have an impact on the lives of these eight men, at least four of who appear to suffer from extreme mental illness.  

So probably not many people will read this and some who do may spew judgment and criticism at me and some will support.  I'm not writing this to be loved - I'm writing it because my heart is hurting and I had to do something besides what I have.  I'm not sure what is about to happen in this state, but I am sad we are even considering.  I hope if you support these multiple executions and the death penalty that you feel truly good about yourself and your beliefs when (and if) the executions occur.


So be it.... Amen.

Connect/ Communicate or Judge/Hate - which is Loving my Neighbor?

Well, maybe, but not always.  I do meet a lot of people and I almost always like them.  You know when you meet someone and they're nice and considerate and you have no idea who they're voting for or how they feel about social or political issues?  I almost always like people then.  Of course, I love most all dogs I meet as well :).

In thinking about the people I meet in real life - you know outside the social media, internet, blogging world.  It's rare that I don't immediately like someone unless they say something hateful on first glance, but I don't think that has ever happened (well, maybe once!).  However in the internet world, sometimes all I know of someone is that they hate a political figure I like or they are on the opposite of an issue I feel strongly about and so it is easy to quickly make up my mind not to like them.  

I had a neighbor campaigning for Justice of the Peace stop by to solicit my vote.  After reading her material, I'm thinking we might not be on the same page in many ways... but at the door, I had a foster puppy in my arms and told her I fostered puppies.  She thanked me for that and said they had rescue dogs and we got into the spay/neuter law / puppy mill legislation discussion and found out we ARE on the same page there. So I don't know if I'll vote for her, but from what I know of her I so far, I definitely like her!

I am definitely not anti-Facebook or social media.  I still appreciate how much Caringbridge and Facebook helped us connect with everyone, as well as feel the love while Randy was ill.  And I'm really not sure how we'd communicate so well in the dog rescue world without Facebook.  So, I'm generally pro-anything that helps communication/connection.  However.....  the "let me throw up my opinion because yours is wrong and you're a bad person" communication does not do anything to make me love someone, even though I'm trying - I consciously am.  And I think most of us are!  

I'm vowing to not judge someone by one comment on a news issue or political post or whatever.  I'm vowing to say a little prayer for them and what they're facing in their life that I have no idea about.  And I'm definitely vowing to #lovemyneighbor wherever they are and whoever they're voting for!

Memories + Dreams = Reality?

It's 9 a.m. and I am still out of sorts a bit.  I work up about 6:00 and remembered my dream, although it had seemed so real it didn't feel like a dream.  In the "dream," I had awakened and felt Ellie Rose next to me (where she always is), so I smoothed her fur and then thought, where is Randy?  So, I sat up a bit and saw him lying on the other side of her.  He was in an old favorite t-shirt, shorts and moccasins, lying on top of the covers, sleeping peacefully.  I remember thinking "why does he have his clothes and shoes on?" but felt comforted by his presence and went back to "sleep".

So even though I've been awake for three hours, I can't shake the realness of the dream.  Randy left this earth on August 11, 2009 and was in the hospital most of the three weeks before that, so he hasn't slept in our bed in more than seven years.  He never knew Ellie Rose (and vice versa) and neither Sophie nor Lucy slept in the bed with us (he always laughed, saying when he was out of town, he knew they slept with me!).  But this morning, I'm having a hard time convincing myself of that.

The mind works in mysterious ways, that's for sure.  I assume it's me thinking about his last few weeks on earth, which I do often, but especially when August comes.  I am thankful for 25+ years of sharing life with him and for memories of all the fun we had and all I learned from him and how he inspired me.  I'm even thankful, in an odd sort of way, for the last few weeks of his life - at least I had time with him that many people don't get when someone dies suddenly.

I've had similar dreams before - similar in that Randy was here in my life now, being healthy and funny and, well, just himself.  I may be temporarily disconcerted by these dreams, as they throw my real world into question - what is real and what's not?  But after a few more hours, the dream will just be a memory and I will know that and be grateful for his "appearance" in my life.