Swirling emotions, but joy prevails!

A lot of emotions have been swirling around in me the past 10 days or so.  I spent a lot of time with Randy’s family on a wonderful visit to the west coast.  It began with Bill and Marge’s 45^th anniversary celebration in Carmel, California where I got more time with Randy’s nephew Drew, his wife Jess and daughters Emma and Nola, as well as Bill and Marge and their great friends, some of whom I’d met and some who are new friends!  

Then it was on to Portland/Vancouver on Monday where I had dinner with his niece Diana, her husband Dea and more adorable kiddos – Charlie and Hazel Jane, then spent all of the next day with them, even while they dug potatoes from their garden for dinner (I loved that!).

Both visits involved much talking, good food and drink, hugs and kisses and lots of pictures.  I loved being with Randy’s family and meeting “new” great-nieces and nephews!  Of course I missed him, especially at the anniversary celebration, but a kind friend pointed out that she knew he loved me and was there in spirit, which I felt.  Diana and I also talked about Randy quite a bit.

And on top of that, last Thursday was our wedding anniversary!  Nine years ago, Jim and Julie and the two of us were together in Glacier National Park for a beautiful ceremony on the shore of Two Medicine Lake.  It was a unique wedding, but hey, after 21 years of dating, just what we needed.  And at least I didn’t sweat on my wedding day, which was about my only demand!

Today is the 30^th anniversary of our first date.  Not everyone tracks that date, but when you date as long as we did, it becomes a fairly significant date.  It hardly seems possible that it was 30 years ago, nor does the fact that August 11 is the five-year anniversary of his death. 

I have so many blessings in my life and I appreciate every one – family, friends, dogs, volunteering, etc. – the good Lord has certainly filled my life with a lot of love, which has eased the loss.  I am able to have joy and contentment in my life, along with love – all of which are so important.  I don’t know why things have happened like they did, but I am thankful to have had Randy in my life.  He taught me how to use humor to ease stressful situations –whether at work or at an airline counter or almost anywhere.  I think I taught him a few things too.  Together I felt like we made a good pair and I still feel like he is a part of me.  

Most certainly, when I make a joke with a total stranger I know he is there!  And when something nice happens to me, I want to tell him.  And when something crummy happens to me, I want to tell him.  I am thankful for all of you in my life who I tell instead (you might not be so happy about the crummy part J.)   Losing Randy is something I will never completely get over, because he will always be in my heart.