Love and Laughter and More Good Stuff

Tears, Laughter and Everything in Between

2011-12-01T22:20:00.001-06:00

My feelings are so overwhelming that I’m not sure what towrite or say. There are so manyemotions twisting inside of me that I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry orboth. Mostly I want to cry butthen I remember the good side of what is making me cry. Like I said I am so very emotional andso uncertain about what I feel or why.

My friend is 52 years old and has progressive MS. She has persevered for more than 10years since her diagnosis. She hadto retire early from a career (United Methodist church minister) she loved, far more than Iever loved mine. She is not married,has no children, and her mother died several years ago. She has siblings, but they are busy withtheir own lives.

This week she made a move I cannot imagine. She gave up her condominium and movedinto an independent living facility. The part of this that hurts me the most is that she gave up her dog of10+ years – her constant companion and loving friend. She did this willingly, as she knew her dog would do betterin a new home than confined to a patio in her new home. And, on top of this, she fell last week (whilestill in her condo) and probably fractured her tailbone. So, when she tries to lift herself upwith her arms, as she has always been able to do (you should see the bulgingarm muscles she has for a skinny gal), she hesitates, due to the pain. In that moment of hesitation, sometimesshe loses her strength and starts to sway. Somehow, she catches herself, or maybe one of us is nearby, but so far so good.

As she recovers from the fall and her pain lessens, I believe she will begin to enjoy her new life in a different place - a place where she gets her meals and does nothave as many “responsibilities.” A place where she has a beautiful and large living room full of windows and light and where people are welcoming and loving. There are many complications to her situation; however, she has had an amazing outpouring of support – from friends,church, UMC pastors (active and retired) and, well you-name-it. She is so loved and hopefully she feelsthat throughout her entire being this week and forever.

So, I go back and forth between saying I can’t wait to getto heaven to ask God why this has all happened to her and wanting to fall on myknees and thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed on all of us in thissituation. Regardless of which wayI go, I seem to be full of tears. These tears are a combination of sadness and joy and sometimes both at the same time. I am thankful for her internal and external strength and for her great faith. Knowing her has made me a better person and I am thankful for her friendship. I don’t understand so many things in this old world and I am emotionalabout many of these. Sometimes emotions just don’t fallneatly into place like the moves usually portray them. Sometimes these emotions are soconfusing that they make the Hallmark Channel seem simplistic. I believe this is one of those times….

Driving the Church Bus

2011-09-09T13:32:00.002-05:00

Yes, you read the title correctly and I actually did this..... once. A few years ago, my church was trying to figure out how to get some folks from their homes or assisted living environments to church on Sunday, so a group of us volunteered to learn to drive the church van and each take one Sunday a month. I thought "how hard can this be?" and jumped on board.

I'm writing about it now, because I recently found the perfect birthday card for my friend Leslee (her birthday is September 10), who is integral to this story. Her card talked about the excitement of riding the church bus. Little did that card writer know that riding with me would be pretty exciting!

My Sunday came. Randy, who was using a walker at the time, and I drove up next to the bus and I opened it up, having gotten the key a day or two before. The first obstacle was a spare tire in the back where wheelchairs would need to go. I couldn't budge the giant tire. Fortunately there was a nice man hanging out nearby and he took care of the tire for me. So, I practiced the lift loading process with Randy and we were off!

I'm not sure of the order I picked people up in, but I believe we picked up my friend Leslee first, as she was closest to the church and that gave me another chance to practice using the lift door on someone using a walker! Next we went to Andover Place where we picked up a great gentleman named Lloyd who was in a wheelchair. Lloyd was loaded in safely and we were off to Pleasant Hills to pick up Priscilla. We couldn't drive up to the door, because of an overhang that was too low (or a church bus that was too tall), so I walked Priscilla down to the bus. She loaded on just fine and found a seat. Then the challenge started. I could not get the lift doors to close completely. I tried every button and combination of buttons and nothing worked. I went to the outside of the doors and pushed, but they just wouldn't close enough to lock. I was very frustrated and about to cry or scream, but was trying to keep my sense of humor. It broke my heart to see the look on Randy's face when he couldn't help me, although I'm pretty sue he made a joke about it (knowing Randy). After a few minutes, a couple of able-bodied, nice ladies walked by and I asked them to push on the outside while I pulled on the inside. Thank the good Lord, that finally worked! So we were off to church.

When we arrived and I dropped off everyone at the church door, I went around back to park the van in its designated spot. However, someone had the audacity to have parked their car in that spot. So I drove back around to the front and parked illegally at the curb. Needless to say I was not very happy. When Randy and I went into church, I tried to talk the policemen who were there drinking coffee (on a break from directing traffic, since church had started) into giving the person a ticket. But since it wasn't a handicapped space, they said they couldn't do much. We actually went to a church service, but I am sad to say I remember nothing about that experience.

As soon as church was over, I headed for the van to pull it up to the church doors. However, people were coming across the parking lot on walkers or wheelchairs and so it was fairly chaotic. That meant opening the lift doors a few extra times, which already had me worried. But, somehow, everyone got loaded onto the bus and we were off. I took Priscilla back to Pleasant Hills first. Since she was on a walker, she just went down the steps, with a little help. Then we headed to Andover. As we turned the corner from Pleasant Valley Drive onto Cantrell, I was, perhaps, going a tad too fast. I could see the back row in my rear view mirror. Randy was next to the window and Leslee was next to him on the bench. Then Mr. Lloyd, in his wheelchair, was next to Leslee. As I turned the corner, I saw Leslee disappear from my view and Randy's head where Leslee's was. I immediately slowed down (a little late) and asked if everyone was ok. They were all laughing, so I took that as a good sign. Leslee had more or less slipped into Mr. Lloyd's lap, although not completely. They righted themselves and we continued on. When we arrived at Andover and I got Mr. Lloyd out of the van, via the lift (which doors were now operating perfectly), I apologized to him for the mishap. He laughed and said "Are you kidding? That's the most fun I'll have all day!" So all was well.

I got back in the driver's seat and we took Leslee home, then back to the church to secure the van and lock it up, return the key and head for home. Randy and I laughed most of the way home at my need to volunteer for things at church, but I knew when I had been bested. I told him I would resign from the van driving team (which I did when we got home). So, I'm sorry in a way that I didn't try again - I'm sure I would have ended up with more ammunition for good stories, but my frustration most likely would have gotten the better of me, so, it's probably like the old saying - all's well that ends well!

Forever

2011-08-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

Are you looking for me here?
I think my heart has gone away
to the heavens with my love
Forever.

You may see me here
But I’m not really here.
In my mind I’m already there.
Forever.

When my soul mate left this earth
My spirit followed him
And that me has gone away
Forever.

There is a new me I don’t really know
She cries when she doesn’t know why
And she feels so out of place
Forever.

I am looking for me here
My heart knows it has to stay for now
Although for now won’t last
Forever.

The old me and the new me
have to live in a kind of harmony,
As long as we are here, though not
Forever.

But when we get there
To God’s new land of love
I know that Me will have no sadness
Forever.

The love and the music and
jewels of so many crowns
will show the Me who can worship Him
Forever.

August 11, 2011 - in memory of Randy

Congress - elected officials or ego maniacs?

2011-07-28T18:07:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that the U.S. Congress does not understand the meaning of the word “compromise.” So many of them (Republicans AND Democrats) are acting like spoiled children, demanding they get everything they want with no concession. Can’t we all give a little bit, in the best interest of our country? Is it all about individual egos or re-election campaigns? If is it, then these current congress people should all be voted out and just come home, as they don’t understand they are there for the benefit of the country (and their constituents) and NOT for their own personal interest.

I am so very frustrated by this entire process – I try not to pay much attention, as it just infuriates me every time I hear someone talk about how they won’t compromise (I don’t think the Tea Party is an accurate name – there’s nothing party-like about these people!). I’m thinking our founding fathers are probably swirling in their graves these days.

I’m still hoping and praying this will be settled, but I’m not hopeful about the next issue to be debated. I don’t ever remember such division or lack of unity among our leaders. I’m not sure if it’s an Obama-hate thing (I wouldn’t think so, because I know a lot of people intensely disliked George W) or what, but I, for one, am sickened by it. It seems like every time one of them speaks, all you can hear is a massive ego and a lot of hate speaking. What happened to the “United” in USA?

I certainly don’t have the answers. I am not a politician and wasn’t even very good at handling politics in the corporate world, much less at this level. All I know is that as an ordinary citizen, I am very concerned about our congressional leaders and their lack of ability to compromise. You may be one who blames Obama for this (I don’t, but I admit, I’m prejudiced – I like him and think he is trying to lead a compromise), but one person cannot possibly be responsible for hundreds of congressmen/women acting like idiots. And if they are acting like this just in the hopes of keeping him from being re-elected, then shame on them. If they’re willing to let our country and all of its citizens suffer just for that, then they don’t understand much about patriotism. Maybe we should let our returning veterans start making these decisions? I think they could probably figure out how to get along with people who aren’t shooting at them!

I know God has everything under control, but sometimes when I listen to the news, I get overwhelmed by the negative. I said earlier I can’t stand to watch or read much about this, because I get so angry and that’s not a pretty sight. I guess I can join many other people in saying God Bless America…. however, I’m also a believer in the statement that God helps those who help themselves (i.e., who don't act completely for their own selfish, ego-maniacal interests).

Congress, are you listening?

The "sneakies" - or grief, continued....

2011-07-04T19:16:00.000-05:00

Friends call it the "sneakies." I am referring to those moments when suddenly you feel the wind almost knocked out of you because of the surprising reality that the person you've lost (or their memory) is there with you or you know they are not and that is just as bad, if not worse. I have experienced several of those lately, although maybe what happened yesterday didn't really sneak up on me, as it was our wedding anniversary.

We had a special service at church and they showed pictures of the veterans, including Randy. His picture always makes me smile, as he was young and skinny with black horn rimmed glasses and he's holding a bottle of Coke and making the peace sign. Needless to say his was the only veteran's picture with a peace sign! Even with this, I was fine until we sang "This is my Song" at the end. If you're not familiar with the words, you can look it up here: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Is_My_Song_(1934_song). It basically says "I love my country and think it's the greatest, but so do lots of other people, so let's remember that and respect each other" (or that's my summary). It was one of Randy's favorite hymns and is sung to the tune of Finlandia. If you were able to be at his memorial service, the pianist played it as we left, I think.

It seems like I've had more clutching moments lately and I think this is because my younger cousin just lost her 52 year old husband to cancer a few weeks ago. I feel her pain so deeply - it seems to have merged with my own grief, which I guess is natural. The same thing happened to my mom when Randy died. She seemed to relive the grief of losing my dad all over again. I'd never really thought about this happening and maybe it's not common, but it makes sense to me that the untimely death of my cousin's husband stirred my grief, since I connected it to Randy's also untimely death.

Another sneaky moment occurred recently when I was walking out of Whole Foods in Little Rock. There was a musician playing reggae and as soon as I heard it, I felt like Randy was right there. I knew he wanted me to dig out a $2 bill and put it in the tip jar, but I'm sorry to say I didn't do this. My arms were full of bags and because i was temporarily taken aback by the overwhelming memory of Randy, I didn't stop. Later that night, a friend e-mailed and said there were a few $1 coins in the tip jar at the Historic Arkansas Museum that evening, so she felt Randy had slipped in without her seeing him!

I did stop at a lemonade stand some kids had on the street the other day and get a lemonade in exchange for a $2 bill. This made me so happy, because it was such a Randy-like thing to do! The three kids (and their mom) all had red hair, so that made it seem even more connected to Randy.

One other thing seems relevant here. Recently I read a manuscript of a book about grief written by someone I know. This author was writing about her mother's death and many things she said hit me directly, but one thing was the most touching. She talked about being overcome by envy as she watched other good people doing for their mothers, as she had no mother anymore. She went on to say that irrational envy and bitterness are common feelings of the bereaved. I have to admit that sometimes I have been envious or even a bit angry as I watch other couples do normal couple things. My major sore spot is when I hear women speak carelessly or even hatefully about their husbands. I want to grab them and shake them and say "you better be nice - you may not have them forever!" I know that a lot of their comments are said in jest and maybe just because someone else started it, but it really frustrates me. I have said something in a few cases and I imagine people wonder what's wrong with me and why I am so crabby, but I didn't really care :)

Passionate Physicians

2011-02-24T18:43:00.000-06:00

I had a surprise a few weeks ago at UAMS. Dr. Harrington (who was Randy’s palliative care doctor) spoke to our CPE group. It was good to see her, but when I tried to tell the group how much palliative care in general and Dr. H, in specific, meant to me, I cried almost as much as I talked. That was the first time in over a month that I have cried about Randy, so it surprised me. However, it was OK, as the CPE group is certainly the right place for tears. They surrounded me with hugs and pats – these people really know how to be a compassionate presence ☺

Palliative care - more than hospice, in that it is comfort and pain relief even in non-life threatening situations. I look forward to the day when it is discussed openly with patients in early stages of disease, so that they can prepare for the end stages. Palliative care focuses on quality of life (physical, social, spiritual and psychological - all are included) and differs from person to person, as we each uniquely define quality of life. What a blessing it is to have this as part of our "official" medical care, even though it has a long way to go to be an expected service.

Then last Tuesday, I saw Dr. Hutchins (Randy's oncologist at UAMS). I was visiting patients and she was making rounds, with an entourage of fellows, residents, etc. I was updating my chaplain visits on a computer outside a room when I heard her voice. She went into a patient's room and I finished my updates, then headed down the hall. She came out at that point and we looked at each other. I saw recognition in her eyes, but since she meets so many people, I said "I am David Moore's wife. I am in the CPE intern program here." It was nice, because she smiled big and said "Thank you for clueing me in. I knew you, but not with a badge. (I was of course, wearing my UAMS badge, prominently displayed.) It is good to see you." I wanted to give her a big hug, but didn't, since, as I said, she had an entourage with her. Thinking back, I wish I had, because it wouldn't hurt for the people with her (learning from her) to see how wonderful it is for a physician to be so loved and appreciated, not because she "fixed" the patient, but because she showed compassion in every stage of that patient's treatment. If I had talked to her very long I would have cried, because of the memories and because she is such a kind and caring lady and doctor, and that is a huge blessing for all of us who meet her.

I often think of Dr. Colman (neuro-oncologist at MD Anderson) as well. He was brilliant, but he took time on every visit to answer all of our questions (and Randy, being the smart and inquisitive internet-researcher he was, always had several!). I think of Dr. Colman's last phone call to me, the day after Randy died, and how obvious it was in his voice that he was sad. I don't particularly remember the words he used, but I clearly sensed his feelings. I know I thanked him for the extra quality and quantity of life he had given Randy, and I know I cried a bit, but I hope he felt as comforted at the end of the conversation as I did.

I may write often about sad memories, but not because they make me sad. Instead they make me feel so blessed, as Randy had such wonderful doctors and nurses in his fight. I know he was a popular patient, as he kept that crazy sense of humor, but regardless, they would have been exceptional and loving and kind - that's just who they are. God bless them, everyone.

Letter to the Editor

2011-01-24T19:24:00.000-06:00

This letter appeared in today's Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. I was just inspired to write it one night a few weeks ago. I sympathize with anyone who has to make tough decisions about someone they love. If this can help you or someone you love, I am thankful.

Hard decision proper

The “death panel” phrase has frustrated me since the start of the health care bill fight.

When my 60-year-old husband went into ICU non-responsive from effects of a brain bleed after 10 years of fighting cancer, I had to make the DNR—Do Not Resuscitate—decision.

Without thinking, I said, “Resuscitate.” (He had a living will, but this was different, at least to my understanding.) A few days later, thanks to a wise doctor, I changed this order to DNR, which was irrelevant as he passed away peacefully within a few days.

However, thinking this through enabled me to tell my love that it was OK for him to quit fighting if he was tired. Yes, I would miss him like crazy, but I would survive with my faith, family and friends. Shortly after this “conversation,” he quit eating and drinking, making it clear that he was ready to leave this earth.

I will forever be grateful to the doctor who said, “Karen, you should think about Randy and what he has been through. If something happens and they put a tube down his throat, it may never come out. He has fought a long, hard fight. You have been there with him all the way. You must continue to think about what he would want.” This advice helped me do what was right for Randy and for all who loved him.

If you choose to label such counsel as a “death panel,” so be it. I label it as a blessing.

KAREN V. HUBER
Little Rock

Going from "We" to "I"

2011-01-19T19:26:00.000-06:00

I wonder when I will ever stop saying "we" when I'm talking or e-mailing about something at home. Sometimes it's past tense, so the we is appropriate, but often it's present times and I have trouble just saying "I". It's like saying "we" keeps Randy with me, because the "we" is just expressive of how I know it would be if he were here. I don't know if it bothers other people or not. I hope not, because it is comforting to me.

I don't think I am grieving so much anymore, but then one of these "we" moments catches me and I'm out of sorts for a while. Through the holidays and social occasions and Arkansas and OU football games - there were just times when I was at home alone and the hole where he would have been was huge. I didn't really want to be anywhere else, but I did want him to be here with me. I'm trying to do different things and usually feel really good about where I am, but then sometimes I feel like I've hardly made any progress and like I won't ever get better. That's silly, because I know I already have and will continue to, but the social world can be a real challenge. I appreciate my couples friends who include me in things and the single friends who invite me to join them, but it's just almost impossible for me to make myself socialize at times.... like what's the point of being social without Randy?

As for the feeling good about where I am, I have to say that the chaplain experience at UAMS has been a positive for me. Being with patients and/or family members who are suffering or scared or both helps me, as I can identify with them, to some extent. None of the situations are the same as "ours" was, but all of them touch me in a way I would not have imagined. One minute, someone is a total stranger and the next minute, I'm feeling their pain so deeply, I feel like I've known them for years. I'm not sure if they benefit as much from our meeting as I do, but I hope and pray they can sense my compassion for them and their situation. In addition, there is a bond with the other chaplains that is developing as we really get to know each other. And, most surprisingly of all, I'm actually getting to know myself a little better and why I react the way I do. I've even hoped that I might be more relaxed when things irritate me (pokey drivers, for example). I'm not saying I'm there yet, but I am working on it :)

I've rambled, which I often do when I write, but I guess my point is I am still working on the grief thing. I appreciate your patience as I continue to work through this change in my life. I feel stronger than I did a year ago, but don't nominate me for any grief recovery awards just yet. I am a work in progress....

The Gift of Life

2010-09-29T00:32:00.000-05:00

As far back as I can remember I have been a fan of organ donation. I have always checked the little box on my driver's license to be a donor myself. Like you, I have read the success stories and wept about the emotions experienced by both families and the donee. I never realized I was so ignorant of the process until recently when I heard an ARORA (Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency) person speak.

I have wondered several times since Randy's death why no donation of any of his organs was ever mentioned (he too checked the box on his driver's license and was an organ donation supporter). I assumed his cancer and treatments prevented it, although I never did any research to fully understand why. I think it made me nervous to think about it - had an opportunity to share something from his life been missed?

Well, now I have learned that generally cancer (at least an active cancer diagnosis) disqualifies someone from organ donation. You're probably thinking "well, duh, of course," but I wondered about his organs that were not affected, since his cancer was confined to his neurological systems. Anyway, here's what I learned about requirements for potential donors for organ donation:

1. The donor must have a neurological injury - brain trauma, such as brain swelling, stroke, aneurysm, near drowning, hanging (strangely enough, I knew this last one from reading Change of Heart by Jodi Piccoult), etc.

2. The donor must be ventilated.

3. The donor must have a GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale) of 5 or less.

A series of tests are performed by a neurospecialist to determine brain death. Brain death is death—it is not reversible. Organs can only be recovered from individuals who are brain dead, or in some cases who die a cardiac death—meaning that their heart has stopped beating. Organ donors can also donate tissue. The only disease that completely eliminates you from being an organ or tissue donor is HIV or AIDS, however a current cancer diagnosis generally disqualifies you as well, or treatment for cancer (chemo or radiation) within the last five years. I say none of this to discourage anyone from agreeing to donate. Circumstances can always change and it's better to be safe than sorry.

I also did not realize that legally (under section 10 of the revised Uniform Anatomical Gift Act, which has been adopted by all states and the District of Columbia) family members, or a health care power of attorney, cannot revoke an individual's decision to donate his or her organs. So, if you have agreed to be an organ donor, then at your death, your family cannot revoke this decision. However, the ARORA organization works closely with families to get their buy-in and make sure they are comfortable with the entire process. In a very few cases, a family may be adamant about not donating the organs, and these decisions are respected. What this means is that if you want to be an organ donor, it is important that you share this decision with your family and let them know you want them to follow through with this decision when you die. Particularly with untimely and unexpected deaths, families may be grieving so deeply that making this decision is extremely difficult when it has never been acknowledged or discussed during the donor's life.

A few other things I didn't know and hadn't really thought about:

1. There is no cost to the donor family for donation. ARORA covers all costs once the decision is made.

2. Donating organs does not prevent a "viewing" of the body. (Randy and I had decided to be cremated, so had never considered this). All bodies are reconstructed well enough for clothing to cover any incisions, even with tissue and long bone (arm or leg) donation. I apologize if this sounds morbid to you, but since I had never thought about it, I was fascinated with the extent to which ARORA goes to respect a family's need for closure.

I hope you were already an organ donor before you read this post, but if not, I certainly hope you are planning to become one now. If you want more info, please visit http://www.arora.org/ (for some reason, blogspot won't let me put the link in here). Knowing that someone else may receive life from my physical death makes me happy now. Not that I'm in a hurry to die or anything, but when it happens, it happens.... so, having something good come from it gives me the potential to Pay it Forward even when I am no longer on this earth!

Heaven.com?

2010-08-26T08:20:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking lately how lovely it would be if we could exchange e-mails with our loved ones who are in heaven....and not just those who actually used e-mail on earth, but our grandparents who never even heard of e-mail, much less used it. But I guess there would have to be a cutoff point, or life would be too easy. If we could e-mail Bible heroes and ask them how to handle the things in our lives today, wouldn't that be wild?

From: Karen Huber
Subject: When will my house sell?
Date: August 26, 2010 10:31:38 AM CDT
To: Peter

Hey, Peter, I've been talking to your boss about my house, but don't want to bother Him today, as He's got so much going on that's way more important than my house. I just wondered if, at lunch or Happy Hour (I guess they're really all Happy Hours where you are), you can put in a word to the Man and see what He says. I appreciate your help.

TTYL.
Karen

OR, we could skip the e-mails and just talk on Facebook...

Karen Huber > Peter Walk on Water Hey Peter, what's happening? Nice profile pic! Can you let me know when my house is going to sell? Thanks bro!

I guess those guys wouldn't have any trouble maxing out the number of friends pretty quickly, would they?

Anyway, I digress. I started this posting because there have been several times when I thought "I need to call Randy and tell him about this." Then, it hits me that I can't call him. I realize that getting good cell service all the way to heaven could be hellish (sorry), so I decided a good alternative would be e-mail. I know this could be fraught with problems, as some of us would never pull our eyes away from our Macs or Droids or iPhones again. So, there would probably have to be limits on the number and length of e-mails sent and received through the heavenly gateway - for our benefit and their protection. And of course, those people in Hell would always be trying to spam their Heavenly counterparts, so someone would have to work full-time on spam and virus protection, meaning they'd miss some of the Happy Hours each day, then that starts to sound like corporate America, which, believe me, is NOT how I picture Heaven!

I digressed again. I think my focus cells are taking a long summer's nap. More than a year after Randy's death, it really surprises me when I think about telling him something like he's still here on earth with me. Sometimes it makes me sad when the reality checks in and sometimes, it almost makes me laugh! I am grateful for the latter, because I believe it is a sign of healing from the grief. I know I can't rush this, but I so want to be at the point where I can remember, smile and be grateful for sharing his life. When that doesn't happen or when it is followed by the feeling of a big poke in my gut that takes my breath away for a few minutes, then I know I'm not fully over the grief. Not that there really is such a thing as being fully over it, from what those who have gone through it tell me. I suppose it's just a matter of there being fewer and fewer pokes in the gut, which is definitely already starting to happen.

As i refer to grief being a poke in the gut, I think of all the reading on grief I've done in the past year - from CS Lewis to George Bonanno to Pat Schweibert to Joan Didion, I don't recall if anybody said it that simply. Believe me, they said it well - there are so many good books available, for which I am very thankful. When you read something that resonates with how you are feeling, it's like you know you haven't completely lost it and there is hope for your future. But when it's all said and done, I can't think of any better way to describe it than as the poke in the gut. Sometimes, usually early after the loss, the poke nearly takes you down and sometimes it just makes you take a deep breath to make sure you can still breathe. Of course, it doesn't always end there - it depends on your situation and mood and mindset at the time. Sometimes it passes peacefully and other times you end up in a complete melt down. And, for some strange reason, the latter always happens when you least expect it. A friend calls it "the sneakies." Something simple can set you off (such as a For Sale sign going up in front of your house when you decided to sell and knew it was coming). Of course, you survive all of these events - sometimes with the help of a friend, sometimes by petting the dog, sometimes by crying out to God, or sometimes, by all three.

Getting healthier

2010-06-08T14:16:00.000-05:00

What is the deal with your friends when you try to get healthy? Do they purposely try to derail your eating with their delicious food or by suggesting a Mexican restaurant where the Margaritas are to-die-for? Does an evil laugh come out spontaneously while they are cooking or enticing you with their icy green drink? I told my friend Julie that she was truly evil as she displayed her homemade (crust and all) lemon and coconut pies as dessert for our dinner the other night. While I did okay on the wonderful dinner (yes I ate too much) of steak, salad and veggies (except for the chocolate wine, but that was the evil neighbor Nancy's fault), I once again realized how our social lives revolve around eating and drinking.

This picture is not me - I borrowed this picture from another blog I read! But it made me glad I am trying to lose some weight and get healthier, because I could see myself going there some day otherwise! I'm not sure how they got this person to pose in a two-piece swimsuit - I hardly even cooperate for fully clothed shots and I'm a few pounds lighter than this gal.

I had one friend on the UAMS diet who said her counselor told her that if all her friends wanted her to eat and drink, she should find new friends! That seems a bit drastic to me. However, I don't think that's common advice from the UAMS folks, because I have other friends on that diet who aren't trying to dump me (yet). But it is harder to face all the social situations and be trying to watch what you eat or drink (or not watch, because you are not eating or drinking!).

Thankfully, there are more and more restaurants with healthy options for someone like me who is trying to eat whole and organic, locally grown, non-processed foods, as much as possible. And, so far, my friends have tried to accommodate me when I show up at their house, by having some fruits and veggies for me. Right now I'm at my brother-in-law's home for a few days and he even bought sprouts, avocados, berries and organic yogurt, so I can make my morning shake! (I did bring some things with me - protein powder, Super 12 powder, raw milk butter and coconut oil - these things are too strange for most people to need a supply laid in). He loves to cook and put lots of veggies on the table along with meat, so even if they're not organic, I'm at least getting my veggies! I try not to be picky (let me just say - I have NEVER been a picky eater and that is part of the problem now!).

Not drinking alcohol is another social challenge. So, usually I try to have a glass of wine (no more than two) when I'm out with friends and make all the calories count for nutrition when I am at home. This seems to work well. I am much more tempted to drink when everyone else is and drinking a glass or two solves the craving without wasting too many calories (hopefully). Of course my weight loss has slowed down considerably....hmmm.

Whatever - I think I need to print this picture and not only post it on my frig at home, but take it when I'm eating out and lay it in my lap. I wonder just how many desserts and glasses of wine it took to get to this level? I feel for her and, like I said earlier, could see myself getting there before I finally started WORKING at this. And it is not only work - it is work when you're supposed to be socializing, which is harder than work when you're supposed to be working (or so I recall)! And even when you're with friends who are dieting, we're all eating differently - some eat no carbs, some are mostly on liquids, some just eat half of everything on their plates, etc. So none of us can enjoy the sour cream and guacamole laden enchiladas or the large frosted salt-rimmed glass with margaritas or the chips (more salt please) and salsa, SOMEBODY STOP ME HERE!! Whew, I got a bit carried away with this visual image - can you tell one of my big weaknesses might be Mexican food? I'm thinking the pictured gal probably really enjoyed her Mexican food as well!!

Not angry anymore!

2010-05-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

I spent three weeks in detox recently. No, I didn't go to Betty Ford and no, I wasn't addicted to anything serious nor was I drinking too much (well, some might argue with that!). However, I did want to get off the prescription meds I had accumulated in the last 10 years - from Trazadone to help me sleep to Lexapro to be happy to hormones to keep me cool to blood pressure meds to ....well, that is obvious.

So, I detoxed at Clearsprings Health Center near Harrison. Lots of exercise, healthy shakes, whole food and time in a low-temperature sauna. I learned a lot more about healthy eating, thanks to a set of DVDs by Sally Fallon (Nourishing Traditions author and part of the Weston A. Price Foundation). If you haven't heard of Weston Price, you should check him out - he was a dentist in our country in the 20s, 30s and 40s and he went on a trek around the world to try and understand why his patients had so many cavities and crooked teeth. He found that cultures uninvaded by processed foods which were still eating traditional diets (regardless of what they were) had nice broad faces and straight teeth with no cavities. So, I'm a believer now and I'm eating animal fats and butter and raw milk, along with grass-fed beef and organically fed, pastured chicken. So far, I have been successful to avoid sugar completely, which can be a challenge in our culture at present. Thankfully I have no craving for sugar - being off of it for three weeks at Clearsprings and replacing it with nutrition dense foods has removed it (which, IMHO is a miracle - I have always craved sweets!).

In addition, I'm sticking with lots of exercise - hiking up a local hill the days I don't go to Curves. And, as of today, I am the proud owner of an infrared sauna, so I can do my maintenance sauna at home! I'm doing two hours, three times a week for the first month, then will reduce to two hours, twice a week for the next 100 years! The sauna has a CD player and FM/AM radio, so I got a few books on CD from the library. Listening to a book makes the time go by quickly and when I come out (30 minutes in, 5 minutes out), I can sneak a frozen grape or ten from the refrigerator and refill my water bottle with ice and water!

The premise is that the detox process resets my immune, metabolic and neurological systems. Doctor Broeg can explain the scientific facts as to how it works (epigenetics), but all I can tell you is that it works! Not only am I off all the meds and feeling great (and yes, sleeping through the night), but I'm losing weight kinda fast, which is definitely a miracle! Other patients have found relief from many diseases - fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, just to name a few common current maladies. If you have any kind of immune, hormone, metabolic or neurological illness, I would encourage you to contact Dr. Broeg (www.clearspringshealth.com) and talk about what his program can do for you.

So, I'm not just "not angry" anymore - I'm pretty pleased about drugs being in my past and better health being in my future. I think my knee and hip joints will most appreciate the weight loss, as they won't have to haul around as much weight. Maybe they'll last me a few more years!!

Anger

2010-03-21T13:25:00.000-05:00

I'm angry. I'm trying to wean off of an anti-depressant and it's making me angry in general. Things that might normally just irritate me now blow up into full-fledger anger. I'm particularly angry about these drugs and how many of us are on them, when a lot of us could have lived without them in the first place. But we trusted our doctors and we knew we were stressed, so we jumped on board. Now they've messed with our memories, our skin and hair, our sex lives, and God only knows what else. You turn on the TV and about all you see is drug commercials. You pick up a magazine and see drug advertisements on one page and on the next one to two pages you see all the side effects. You go to a doctor and they give you drugs. To be drug-free, we're a pretty drug-concentrated society. Maybe all we had in the first place was a vitamin deficiency or an inability to absorb certain vitamins or minerals in our bodies, but no doctor could take the time or do the testing to find that out, as the insurance companies and the doctor's schedules wouldn't like it. Just herd them in, give them drugs and move them out, repeat again and again all day long.

Then there's HRT (hormone replacement therapy). I had recently started alternating an all natural cream with my hormone pills, but decided never to put another synthetic hormone in my mouth after reading "Hormone Balance - a Matter of Life and Health" by Kristine B. Klitzke. I'm not sure what doctors learn about this stuff in med school, but I will be finding new doctors who are open to more natural remedies, if my former ones are not.

As you know by reading this far, I'm trying to take control of my health by becoming truly drug-free and healthier. It's a long slow process and I'm going to spend a lot of time and money detoxing the drugs and other toxins out of my body. I'm throwing the Tylenol and Aleve out of my medicine cabinets. I know I will feel better when it's over and maybe I won't even be angry anymore. That is, until the next time my doctor wants to prescribe drugs for some symptom without having a clue as to what's causing the symptom. Mask the symptom or the pain and hope it will go away, knowing all the time it won't unless the root cause is addressed.

I'm going to Clearsprings Health Center later this month to help further with the entire detox process. I'll be exercising, eating only healthy food, taking vitamins and doing a lot of low-temperature sauna. After three weeks there, I should be completely off of drugs, have years of toxins flushed out of my body and be ready to pursue a healthy lifestyle and maybe even lose some weight! Some folks have suggested I blog about that experience, but I think I'll wait until afterwards, although I will try to keep a journal while I'm there.

Some of my friends think I've lost it. Some of you probably do as well. However, I'm more hopeful and encouraged about being truly healthy than I have been in a long time. Watching Randy undergo his bouts with drugs and chemotherapy and knowing all he wanted was to be off of everything has made me highly aware of my own situation. Yes, drugs have a place, but also you have to be careful, as once you get started you end up on more drugs to "cure" the side effects of the first drug, and so on. Before you know it, you're caught in somewhat of a vicious cycle. So, even though I'm not a doctor and I didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, my advice is to consider long and hard before starting medication for an issue that diet or exercise or something more natural might help.

Whew! I feel better just venting about this! I had a boss once tell me that she loved my passion. I think that was a nice way of saying that she didn't like what I was saying, but she admired the passion behind it. So, if you tell me you love my passion, I will not be offended in any way, and will know that I need to ease up a bit on my personal soapbox!

Closer Than My Skin

2010-03-18T10:57:00.000-05:00

There's a lot of sadness in this old world. News came last night in an e-mail that an acquaintance's (dear friend of a dear friend) cancer is back after three or four surgeries and treatments. This, along with the funeral yesterday for a friend's 17-month-old grand-daughter, my concern and worries about my mom's health and, of course, the ever-present grief of missing Randy, I felt numb. I turned to my only Source of comfort and hope in these trying times, but I was hardly able to form words to express my feelings in any sort of prayer.

One of my morning readings today (Daily Readings from the Works of Leslee D. Weatherhead) was especially appropriate. I’ll summarize and quote it here:

When you are feeling overwhelmed, get alone and quiet and say to yourself, ‘The Peace of God is mine. The Peace of God Is mine’. Not asking for it, but taking it. Listen to Jesus…flooding into your mind and spirit, bathing them, and refreshing them, and healing them, and when the mind is at ease, the weaknesses of the flesh will fold their tents like the Arabs and as silently steal away….

’Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee', says the old saint, and to stay the mind on God means to have so many links with God that the mind can hardly touch any idea without that idea leading to thoughts of God and liberating kindling feelings of love, gratitude and adoration.

I’ve just finished a book by Susan D. Hill called “Closer Than Your Skin” which is about seeking intimacy with God. It was an excellent book and I highly recommend it, but the title alone has captivated my thinking. It came to mind again this morning after reading the above words. To have so many links with God that the mind can hardly touch any idea without that idea leading to thoughts of God – that’s “closer than my skin” – a truly liberating feeling. Sometimes the stuff of life is so pressing that trying to figure out how to get everything done in a day is almost overwhelming. It can bring out my obsessive nature and leave me tense and irritable. But if I can just sit back and drink in the peace of God, letting Him fill all the holes and corners in my mind, heart and soul, then I truly I can slow my breathing and just put one foot forward at a time (right foot, left foot, as a friend of mine says!).

As Dr. Weatherhead said, with this freedom, come “feelings of love, gratitude and adoration.” And with those feelings, I am always able to pray and commune with God. So, I pray for the friend with cancer, the friend whose son is leaving their family business after 20 years, the friend who lost a precious baby grand-daughter, my uncle who is trying to recover from a stroke and for my mom – for strength and hope to keep fighting, as well as pain relief. And I feel the comfort, even in grief, of a God who is closer than my skin.

It is Better to Clean than to Receive!

2010-02-27T09:16:00.000-06:00

I'm enjoying my hot tea and Saturday morning reading, but I've already done something productive, which makes me happy. I've cleaned out the kitchen pantry! Our church food pantry is low, so I wanted to pull canned things to help restock that. In the process, I moved all the canned food down to a shelf I can reach easily and put the lighter things on the upper shelves I have to stretch to get to or use a folding stool. Things look better now and I have two boxes of food for church!

I have cleaned out most of the closets in the house since my husband died in August - some for obvious reasons like giving away his clothes, coats, shoes and other things I won't use but someone else can. Although sometimes it was sad, I mostly loved the act of separating his things and knowing how happy he would be that someone would be wearing or using them! Thanks to a friend, I even found someone who could wear his size 13 narrow shoes! And that nice man's wife wrote me a lovely thank you note, which was completely unexpected.

Anyway, back to the cleaning - I wonder why it makes us feel so good to clean a drawer or closet? It must have something to do with the basics - cleanliness, simplifying, organizing. My friends have laughed, as when they visit, the first thing I do is show them my new orderly closets! I am definitely a bit prideful about them, but hopefully heaven will have some closets that need organizing and this will play in my favor :) I also think that the good feelings come because the cleaning usually leads to giving, whether it's canned food, clothes, books, etc. And we all know the old adage "it's better to give than receive" is true, even if we don't understand why.

I still have one closet to straighten and it may be the most difficult, as it is the office supplies, tax records, etc. I won't be giving much of this away (who would want it?!) and just have to figure out how to make too much stuff fit in the space with some semblance of neatness! The other big job is going through the hundreds of CDs, deciding if I want the music on my iPod, and if so, copying the CDs to my Mac, and if not, thinking about who might want the music even if I don't. Randy's tastes ran the gamut in music and I enjoyed most of it, but I've spotted several CDs that I don't have a clue what they are. So, this last major project will involve a lot of music listening, which should be mostly pleasurable!

From previous straightening, I've got a box of beta and VHS tapes - some blank, some recorded and VHS and Beta VCRs. I'm wondering who could use these as well. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I really don't like to throw things away, as it seems such a waste and just clutters the landfills. I know of the Little Rock recycling of electronics, but hope to find somewhere that could actually use them. However, they may just be too much of a past technology and if so, I'll try and accept that!

I want to thank several of you for your supportive words about my writing. I enjoy doing it, but am gratified beyond words (almost!) to know that anything I have written is inspirational or encouraging or even enjoyable to those reading. Once again, it is better to give than to receive!

2010-02-23T14:56:00.000-06:00

My dreams have been so strange the last few weeks. In almost all of them, I am waiting for Randy somewhere, knowing he is sick or dying, or even dead, and suddenly he shows up walking and talking. I am elated and keep telling him I can’t believe it and he just looks at me like I’m a bit crazy. I never get to talk to him one-on-one, but I’m still on a cloud when I wake up and realize it’s all a dream. I try to snuggle up tighter and go back to the dream with Randy being “normal.” After a few minutes I give up and try to think of something else, but nothing seems to work except getting up and starting my day.

I really don’t brood on this during the day, but it is a strange thing when it happens. One of the major things that I do to get through the hardest days is read. There are so many wonderful books and songs and online columns, etc. They all inspire me to write and so many subjects sound interesting, but trying to focus on one “idea” is more difficult, as you can tell from today’s writing!

I have started a new online daily devotional, just in time for Lent. It is a wonderful calming and soothing way to start each day and I am glad to share it with you:

www.journeytothecross.org

This week’s writer has several times mentioned something that gets my attention each time, which is reminding me that God is my lifetime companion. Of course, this isn’t news to me, but having lost a lifetime companion in Randy, it is very comforting to think of God in this way. So much of the time on this earth is spent focusing on our earthly companions (and I know I couldn’t make it without them!), it’s refreshing to remember we have a lifetime companion, whatever happens to us here.

Another recent inspiration came to me from a friend who played me a song from her iPhone. It’s called “What Faith Can Do” (by Kutless). It’s a beautiful song for listening, but the words are also very encouraging. I had to come home and download the album and get the lyrics that night! I’ll include the lyrics here, as they are so much better than anything I could write today…..

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise.

So, until next time…..Keep the faith!

Don't Worry About a Thing

2010-02-13T10:29:00.000-06:00

This week was the six-month anniversary of Randy’s death which has me thinking about the last few years overall. The title today is in tribute to one of my favorite songs that Randy introduced to me – “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley.

For months, if not years, I wondered, if not worried about how I would deal with the end of Randy’s life and his death, since we knew the cancer would probably take him too early. My friend Suzanne can attest to the many days I walked into her office and shut the door and asked, “How will I know when I should quit work?” I didn’t want to quit too soon and make him feel like I was hovering (plus the more money I could make and the longer I could keep insurance were certainly considerations) and I didn’t want to wait too long and regret lost time together. My wise friend always told me that “God would let me know.” And He did – for which I will be eternally grateful.

The really weird thing during all of this time was that I would either feel like we would have forever together or I felt that a cloud over my head would burst suddenly and leave me groping. In truth, neither one happened.

We actually got pretty good at living one day at a time. I suppose that’s one advantage of either having or loving someone with a terminal illness (there aren’t a lot of these as you might suspect, but there are some!). I’m still seeking that same mentality - to make each day something I feel good about when I lay my head on the pillow at night and not to worry about the upcoming days at the same time.

One thing that came to mind again this week was something from last winter and the Beth Moore study “A -Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place.” This helped Randy and me and at least one other good friend who lost her husband after a sudden heart attack and six weeks of ICU. We studied about the Israelites receiving daily manna from heaven while in the wilderness, which was very familiar. What was new to me was comparing this to our need for daily grace and mercy. If we but ask, we get what we need for each day – no more, no less. Some days we obviously need more help just to get through the day. This was a revelation to me and my obsessive need to worry over the future. (see paragraph 1) and usually reminded me to just ask God for help to get through “that” day. Most days I still remember this and ask for what I need for the day, but, in all honesty, I haven’t conquered the worrying completely yet!

And who knew God and Bob Marley were in total agreement on living each day without worry? Actually they are probably more in tune than I can imagine. In case you’re not familiar with this song (or you are like me and always need to hear it), here’s the link to listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RntL-2uwt_g

I'll close by thinking one day ahead. Happy Valentines' Day to you and all those you love!

Pen Pals

2010-01-30T18:16:00.001-06:00

I have a new pen pal who I am terribly excited about! His name is Joseph and he's a SFC in the US Army, stationed in Northern Iraq. I met Joseph on an airplane last weekend. He sat by me and I had a hundred questions for him, so we talked non-stop during the Tampa to Atlanta flight. I explained to him that I'm not very excited about our ever being in Iraq in the first place and for so long, but I am totally supportive of the soldiers who have to be there. I know there are many who share these feelings, so one thing I wanted to know was if the soldiers felt "supported" by our country. He said they feel supported, but mostly because of things the army is doing for them. He is a few years away from retirement and chose to not go the officer route, as he likes teaching and guiding the frontline troops. His wife and son live in the Tampa area and he had just finished a few weeks of R&R, or as he said "Honey-Do" time!

We have exchanged a few e-mails so far and I look forward to more. One of his e-mails expressed his appreciation for my interest in talking to a soldier and being interested in them. I told him I thought most people would do the same when given the opportunity I was. Meeting someone personally who is serving brings home the life and death way a lot of Americans are having to live. I can't imagine serving in this war or in any, for that matter. My father was a bombadeer in WWII. He was stationed in England and flew 34 missions over Germany. His first mission was on D-Day in 1944 when he was 22 years old.

All this being said, I appreciate the peace and quiet and comfort of my home, but I sincerely hope exchanging e-mails with Joseph keeps me aware of not only how active duty soldiers have to live, but people with not enough food or places to lay their heads at night, whether in Haiti or this country or wherever. I am skilled at blocking out the suffering of others and maybe that is normal, but staying mindful will hopefully keep these people on my heart and in my prayers.

Since it's always healthy for us to be grateful and we all want to be healthy, think about three things you are thankful for this day. I know that joy springs from gratitude, so may your pondering of your blessings fill your heart with joy.

Death of a spouse vs divorce

2010-01-28T17:22:00.000-06:00

I had a conversation with someone recently on whether divorce is more painful than death of a spouse. I'm of the belief that it is, since divorce almost always involves some bitter or hurt feelings, while death means great loss, but normally with only loving feelings and memories. I've never been divorced, but have lost a spouse to death, so I'm not experienced on both counts, but having had family and friends go through divorces, it seems they were slower to heal. And, from a common sense standpoint, this makes sense - when you look back at divorce, you wonder if you failed in some way or why your partner treated you the way they did (did you deserve it, were you not nice enough or pretty enough or smart enough, etc.?). Losing someone in death is still a loss, but generally you don't blame yourself or think there was something you could have done differently. There are exceptions to this generalization of course, but from my perspective - losing Randy after a ten-year battle with cancer - I don't blame myself for his death. I'm not saying I don't have regrets about things, like how I could be impatient with him when he was moving slowly when I was in a hurry, but I know we did everything possible for his health.

I've also begun to notice that a lot of women (and probably men, if I heard them talk more) seem to take their husbands for granted. That may not be the right phrase, because usually they're just commenting on something he did (or didn't do) and this develops into a summary of his problems or shortcomings and a "I could so live without him" demeanor. I've found myself telling women I hardly know (who are working out with me and complaining about husbands) that "you won't have him with you always, so please appreciate him now." I'm starting to feel like a marriage promoter!

Now before my closest friends get ruffled, let me say that most comments I've heard from you are totally said in love and yes, I know your husbands aren't perfect anyway! I can also appreciate that you aren't in the goo-goo eyes stage talking about how wonderful love is and how you couldn't live without it, etc. That would probably make me feel more obvious about not having Randy in my life. And as for teasing about feelings, Randy and I were pretty much masters of that. So, I don't mean to preach, but I do want you to be aware of the good things about your spouse and your marriage and just think about how it would be if you didn't have them in your life.

Back to the divorced folks, particularly those of you with bitter resentment toward your ex, I want to ask you a favor: when you're around someone who has lost a spouse in the last few years, PLEASE try to avoid dissing men in general and jumping on the "all men are jerks" bandwagon. I can take, and even understand, your bad feelings toward an ex, but it is painful for me to hear the stereotyping of all guys. Not only did I have a great one, but many of my friends are either good guys (literally) or married to very decent men.

To conclude my sermon for today, I will summarize my points(!):
1. Appreciate what you got while you got it.
2. When you don't have it anymore, but it's still walking around on this earth, try to get over it and look to a better future.
3. When you don't have it anymore due to death, be patient with everyone who's having trouble with #1 and #2, above and know they wouldn't do anything to make you sad.

I didn't mean to preach, but needed to get this off my heart. I don't think I've ever talked to or read about anyone experiencing the feelings I have, but I know you are out there somewhere. Maybe you'll even read this someday and feel a connection, which is what it's all about.

Inspiration

2010-01-20T16:38:00.000-06:00

I'm inspired to start a blog. As many of you know, I've kept a sort-of-blog in CaringBridge for the past year, as I wrote about Randy's illness and death and my feelings and emotions and tried to show how much I appreciate all our friends and family have done for us. However, I have two friends, one I just met and one of a year or so, that have blogs and I so enjoy reading theirs that I'm going to try it as well. It's just barely a new year, if not a new decade (depending on your perspective), so that's another good reason to start now. I'm not sure what the subject will be, but definitely not always me, as that would get pretty boring - to write and to read! Besides, to go along with the title of Love and Laughter and More Good Stuff, I will have to write about friends and dogs and faith and all the things that have made the most difference in my journey so far.

This seems like a good time to start because I'm on a girls' beach vacation on Anna Maria Island in Florida. I've never been a huge fan of visiting Florida, but being here in January definitely makes it more attractive! Spending the days with a long-time friend and three new friends is just the whipped cream on the hot chocolate (because I'm not a coffee drinker and I don't put cream in/on my hot tea)!

I'm watching a beautiful sunset and listening to the surf at this moment. Taking it easy doesn't begin to describe the day so far. I had hot tea and Lemon Chiffon lite yogurt for breakfast, then studied my Beth Moore Daniel lesson, then took a turn to some of the shops here. Last night I was chillier than I prepared for, so I bought a sweatshirt jacket and a couple other things. Giovanni, the store owner, was quite captivated with travel companion Kathy, although she was huffy because he wasn't offering her a discount on the sundresses she tried on (Julie and I did get discounts on our non-sundress items)! We walked down to the historic bridge pier, which was a little exercise, but not as much as Curves. However, there is no Curves close, so I am more than content with some walking.

This afternoon I've read and Facebooked and talked and been generally content. It will only get better, as the sunset is beautiful over the water and dinner will be calling - somewhere delicious, I am sure. I am thankful to be here and know how much I am blessed.